I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
