I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
