I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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