So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
