I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
