I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
