My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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