You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
