It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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