I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
