Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's even glitter on my cock...
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