fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
