Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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