dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
