I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
