The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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