She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize