Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
