Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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