it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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