All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
