hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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