I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
