There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
