we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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