I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
