I will die if light touches me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize