I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
