i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
