Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
