Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
