Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
