Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
