I wish I could teleport
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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