you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
