two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
