This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
