how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
