Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
