Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
