I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
