i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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