i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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