I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
