oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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