i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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