He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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