Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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