I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
