Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
