We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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