the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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