Just cropdusted the office
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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