just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
