tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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