Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dicks are not precious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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