College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize