if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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