is your mom at the bar?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
