Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She even gives head with a lisp.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
