yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
