I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize