OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
