I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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