Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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