Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
