The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
