can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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