Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need a beard to bite.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
