Will you blow on my dice?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
